The “Let Them” Theory: What Parents Need to Know

If you’ve been on social media, on a walk around the reservoir, or at the grocery store there is a buzz around Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” Theory—a simple yet powerful mindset shift that encourages us to stop trying to control others and instead allow people to make their own choices.

At its core, the idea is this:
 If someone doesn’t invite you? Let them.
 If someone doesn’t support you? Let them.
 If someone wants to make a decision you wouldn’t make? Let them.

Mel Robbins explains that by stepping back and allowing people to be who they are instead of forcing them to be who we want them to be, we free ourselves from frustration, disappointment, and unnecessary stress. It’s about releasing control, reducing resistance, and focusing on your own energy instead of wasting time trying to change others.

This approach can be life-changing for parents—especially when dealing with adults, but what about younger kids and teens who still need guidance, structure, and support?

Why “Let Them” Doesn’t Always Work for Kids

While the Let Them Theory may work in relationships with adults, it needs modifications for parenting children. Kids are still developing their ability to make sound decisions, regulate emotions, and understand long-term consequences.

For example:

• If a child refuses to do their homework, simply “letting them” could negatively impact their learning.

• If a teen makes risky choices, “letting them” without guidance could lead to dangerous situations.

• If a young child refuses to brush their teeth, a parent still needs to step in and provide structure.

Mel Robbins has a bonus chapter called: “Parenting with Let Them” written by Dr. Stuart Ablon—a psychologist and expert in child behavior—who offers a more developmentally appropriate approach. His Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) method helps parents guide and support children while still respecting their independence.

How to Support Kids Without Controlling Them

Instead of simply saying “let them” when a child resists, parents can:
 Identify the root cause – Why is your child struggling with a task or behavior? Are they feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or incapable?
 Collaborate, don’t dictate – Instead of enforcing strict rules, have a conversation and work together to find solutions.
 Use natural consequences – Some situations call for “letting them” experience the result of their actions, but in a way that is safe and appropriate for their age.

Dr. Ablon’s Think: Kids approach (which you can explore here) provides tools for understanding behavior challenges, improving communication, and helping kids develop skills like problem-solving, emotional regulation, and flexibility.

Final Thoughts: Balancing “Let Them” with Parenting

The Let Them Theory is a fantastic tool for adults, managing relationships, and letting go of unnecessary stress. However, for younger children and teens, structure, support, and collaborative problem-solving are essential.

By combining Robbins’ mindset shift with Ablon’s research-based strategies, parents can foster independence while still providing the guidance kids need to grow into confident, capable adults.

Want to dive deeper? You can read Dr. Ablon’s Parenting Guide on this approach here.

Let me know your thoughts—have you tried the Let Them approach with your kids? What worked, and what didn’t?